I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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