I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
