i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
