i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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