Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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