There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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