Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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