Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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