Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
