His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
