Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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