Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
