every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
