mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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