Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
