whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
