fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hippo gnu deer
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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