I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
