ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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