I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
