Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
