shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
