Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
