I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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