I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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