I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
