She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
