i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
