Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
