So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
