i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
