I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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