I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
