I wanna bring you to show and tell
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
