So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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