He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
