Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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