Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
