i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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