It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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