you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
