dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize