I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I had to cum in my sink.
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