So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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