I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
