Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
