at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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