u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm eating all of the evidence.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
