i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Found your dick twin last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize