This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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