I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
