Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
