it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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