evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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