I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
