we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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