I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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