Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize