Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
