I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
