if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
