First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
