my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
