Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I had to cum in my sink.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
