The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
