Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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