porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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