So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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