i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
