***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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