My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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